Category: People

Meanings in Conversations

CREDIT

That’s not what I said.

That’s not what I meant.

You took it the wrong way.

Why can’t you see things from my point of view?

What I was trying to say was…

In any meaningful conversation, where what’s said and what’s heard is equally important on all sides, the truth is rarely heard simply as stated. Usually, there’s what someone says and then there’s what someone hears. It’s a miracle that we don’t miscommunicate more.

In all honesty, language and conversation is something we take for granted. But in these turbulent, divisive and also promising times, communication is of vital importance. Those who can engage someone empathetically, showing an ability to understand and share the feelings of another, can create bridges that sow divides and create thriving communities.

But you have to care.

You have to believe in something bigger than yourself or any one person or thing.

The vision and meaning of togetherness must carry greater purpose and prominence collectively…for all.

The difference between utterance and discernment, after all these centuries of communicating with one another, still leaves much to be desired. Dialogue is so much more complicated than speaking and listening. The distance between the two is separated by an incredible array of everyday obstructions: cognitive biases, experiences, emotions, and self-centeredness on every side.

The art and science of language and communication are just that…art and science. Expression and significance are often left to the senses of the beholder, regardless of intent.

Let’s appreciate that the coalescence of thoughts, ideas, and purpose create a complex stream that’s truly unique to each person. Someone has to take the first step. Someone has to see the bigger picture. Someone has to understand the other…first.

Regardless of what is or what should be and why, most times, other people aren’t going to take the first step. But that’s the true opportunity for empathetic leadership.

Don’t just try to get closer.
Don’t just listen.
Don’t just repeat what you head back to someone.
Don’t just feel sorry for someone…that’s sympathy, not empathy.

Empathetic leadership is just that…leading the way by taking steps toward someone and somewhere else. Become a bridgebuilder.

Listen and commit your undivided attention to the conversation.
Ask questions.
Refrain from judgment and assumptions.
Consider different perspectives and angles.
Seek common ground.
Acknowledge another’s feelings and show emotional support (EQ=emotional intelligence)
Relate – show care and concern.
Mirror someone’s form of communication and nonverbal signals.

Empathetic leadership is a skill and a competitive advantage. In a world seemingly rife with divisiveness, fear, and confusion, this is exactly what the world needs more of right now…engagement, harmony, and community.

Take the first step.

If One Can Do It…

If One Can Do It…

By Kit Pharo

If I had a nickel for every time my long-time friend and mentor Chip Hines has said, “If one can do it, they all should be able to do it,” I would have a truckload of nickels.   In the 30+ years that I have known Chip, he has had a profound effect on me, on Pharo Cattle Company and on the entire beef industry.

Although Chip has an excellent understanding of the minute details of beef production, he likes to keep everything as simple as possible.   Nature has always been Chip’s example and teacher.   He thinks cows should be able to produce and reproduce without any outside inputs.   If one can do it, they all should be able to do it.

In the mid-1990s… we were giving our cows a protein supplement three times a week for 30 days prior to calving.   We did this because that is what we thought we had to do with cows grazing short, dormant grass all winter.   I remember a cow (Angel 382) who wouldn’t even look up when we came to feed the range cubes.   She continued to graze – even though all of the other cows were frantically running to the pickup.

This cow reminded me of what Chip had told me many times, “If one can do it, they all should be able to do it.”   I decided to eliminate all protein supplementation.   I remember one university expert advising me against taking such drastic actions.   He said, “We both know the protein level of your winter grass is very low.   According to the book, you need to supplement some protein.”   I nodded my head, but ignored his advice… and I got away with it.

Do you know why I was able to ignore his advice and get away with it?   I got away with it because not one of my cows had read the book the university guy was referring to.   They didn’t know any better.   Who wrote the book anyway?

I’m sure some cows eventually fell out of our herd after we discontinued providing a protein supplement.   Most of the cows, however, were not affected.   This is how you make genetic improvement and progress.   If you never take away inputs, you will never know which cows can survive without inputs.   Over the years, we have essentially eliminated all outside inputs with the exception of salt and mineral.   I know a few PCC customers who have eliminated mineral supplementation.

Recently, I have taken Chip’s “If one can do it…” statement to a different level.   I have thought about how successful and profitable most PCC customers are in comparison to their neighbors.

What’s the difference between PCC customers and their neighbors?   The primary difference is that PCC customers are focused on increasing production per acre, while their neighbors continue to be focused on increasing production per animal.   There is a BIG difference!   If some cow-calf producers can do it, others should be able to do it.

Quote Worth Re-Quoting –

“The men who succeed are the efficient few.   They are the few who have the ambition and the will power to develop themselves.”   ~ Robert Burton (1577 – 1640)

4 Points For Successful Outsourcing – A 5 Minute Mind Makeover

I’ve outsourced a LOT of copywriting jobs to my ace resource John Fancher.John is wicked good and he channels my inner voice like a pro. He’s doing a great job. But I can’t tell you how long I resisted that. And I can’t tell you how much time – and not just time, quality, optimum time of my day time – that I’ve freed for myself by forcing that evolution. Everyone in Planet Perry benefits.

Why did I resist that? Probably mostly cuz so many people said “Dang Perry you’re such a talented copywriter” that it had become my identity.

Dude, your job is NEVER your identity. Yeah, I know in English we say “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and your five year old says, “I want to be a policeman. I want to be a fireman.” But that is actually wrong. The guy who wears a uniform is not a policeman. He is a man whose job is police work. The fireman is not, at the identity level, a fireman.He is a human being who earns his bread by fighting fires.

Carol Dweck, author of the book Mindset, points out that when your kid gets an “A” on the test and you say “Krista you are really smart” then “really smart” becomes a part of her identity and now she thinks she has to live up to that all the time and if she doesn’t, she is a failure. And it actually becomes de-motivatingbecause smart is not what she is it is a gift that she has.

When your job becomes your identity you become unhealthily attached to it and you unwittingly build a prison for yourself. That’s why one of your top jobs in life is knowing thyself and getting clearer and clearer about the difference between who you are and what gifts you possess.

For most entrepreneurs, this means your natural role is STARTER NOT FINISHER. You don’t need to finish anythingyou start. You just need to make sure that others successfully finish it. Yeah, I know – that sounds a lot easier than it really is. Here’s a tool I picked up from Rob Berkeley and his Entrepreneur To CEO Mastermind with Victor Cheng – the Circle of Commitment:

1. Request – You tell someone what you want

2. Negotiation – You discuss what they can actually deliver, until you reach agreement

3. Performance – They do what they said they would do

4. Acceptance – You communicate to them that they did indeed do what they promised to do. If they did not do it, you go back to #1, #2 or #3 as necessary until they finish in an acceptable way.

Those of us with “High Quick Start, Low Follow Through” tendencies tend to rush through the Request and Negotiation part, not making it clear exactly what we want. I know I often completely skip the Acceptance part and never give appropriate feedback.

That’s why “outsourcing” can be such a mess.

If you start a project by defining “What feedback is going to come back to me? And what feedback am I going to give to others once the project is successfully completed?”, then you are set up for success. This is the practical version of Stephen Covey’s “Begin With The End In Mind.”

Rules of Thumb for Ranching

Rules of Thumb for Ranching
Compiled by Steve Moreland, March 23, 2017

This subject has come up on Ranch Talk on the Ranchers.net Bull Session. Here are a few axioms that have been passed on through the years. Others might find them to be of interest.

A theory I heard just lately is that the cost of five months of rented summer pasture should be equal to a third of what a steer calf is worth at weaning time. If the calf is worth $900, a third of that would be $300. $300 divided by five months would be $60 per month.

Always keep your best heifer calves.

Don’t keep kicking a dead horse. If something isn’t working, kick the habit.

Have a rigid culling program on cows in the herd. If you have to give them extra attention to get a calf sucking, graft the calf onto a better young cow and say adios’ to the problem cow.

Good nutrition trumps high-falutin’ genetics.

Never sell hay, especially if there is any chance you might come up short for your own cattle before green grass.

Uniformity helps to achieve premium prices.

If you are sitting in a pickup waiting for a cow to have her calf, park sideways to the cow and try to act nonchalantly disinterested. If the pickup is facing the distraught cow, she regards the headlights as “eyes” staring at her.

My dad and other neighbors always used to say that you should half your hay left by the first of March. Of course in those days it was a lot harder to haul in stacked hay if you ran short.

An hour in the morning is worth two in the afternoon.

Glamour tends to dissolve in sweat.

One old neighbor that my dad worked for as a young man would say each evening before supper, “Well, we didn’t get much done today but we’ll give ‘er hell tomorrow.”

It’s easy to cut a big strap if you’re using someone else’s leather.

If the sun is shining, take along a coat. If it’s cloudy do what you want.

The only way to move cattle fast is to move them slow.

It’s amazing how dumb a cow can be. What’s more amazing is how many cowboys can’t outsmart a dumb old cow.

A good cowboy on a poor horse can get a lot more done that can a poor cowboy on a real good horse.

A boy is all boy; two boys are half a boy; three boys are no boys at all.

The two most critical weeks of each year for grass and hay production are the two middle weeks of May. If you can get some rain and sunshine and no late freezes during that time period, the rest of the summer usually goes quite well.

An extra inch of rain takes the place of a lot of management.

Substance over style.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Always keep your cattle saleable. If cattle in good condition are worth a premium if they are offered for sale, they are worth that same premium if you own them. If you have to sell them for some reason, they will command a good price.

Extra feed on hand, whether it be left-over grass in a pasture or year-old hay, is always an asset and not a liability. It is just as good as money in the bank, and you don’t have to pay income tax on it.

You can’t starve a profit out of a cow.

The best insurance is a fat cow going into the winter.

Fat is a pretty color.

A good horse is never a bad color.

It is easier to pull a chain than to push one. Often times the same principle applies in moving cattle. A feed pickup in the lead can save a lot of whooping and hollering and exasperation at the rear of the herd. If a bunch of cattle won’t cross a bridge, try stringing out a little cake in front of the ones in the lead.

If a bunch of cow/calf pairs won’t cross a barrier such as a bridge or slippery ice, rope a calf around its neck. When it bellers, its mother will come and bring many of her bovine buddies with her. Pull the calf across the barrier, and the rest will follow.

Portable corral panels are very handy. Often times a panel or two in a strategic place can make cattle sorting a whole lot easier.

An ounce of rain is worth much more than a pound of hail.

A job well done is a self-portrait of the one who did it.

A sign in an implement dealer’s store that holds merit: “Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on our part.”
The best cow dog in Cherry County resides on our ranch. He stays in the house yard digging up petunias while we work cattle.

Very often a dog that shows up at a cattle working screws things up as much as if three hard-working cow hands had not come at all.

Chinks look cool, but if the wrestler on a calf’s head is wearing them, the fringe tends to be very much in the way of the workers who are vaccinating, installing ear tags, ear marking, implanting or dehorning.

If you think a horse might buck and give trouble, try leaving the spurs off of your boots. Often times, the extra inadvertent poking that a horse gets from a rider trying to stay on, only further antagonizes the horse and makes them buck harder.

A brand put on properly gives extra insurance that it will be easily seen for the rest of the bovine’s time on your ranch. This is your stamp of ownership, so apply it the best you can—not too deep but not too lightly. A brand that does not blotch is an extra bonus.

DISCLAIMER: All of these rules of thumb have served well through the years except for 2016. It seems like last year none of these rules worked. But this has always been a “next year country,” and I have high hopes for 2017 and beyond.

Feel free to add to the list, or to debunk some of my theories.
Some of these ideas vary greatly from those of others. I am not trying to offend anyone, but only offering food for thought.

8 traits for effectively leading the family ranch forward

Want your family business to succeed and transition to the next generation? It starts with being an effective leader.

Amanda Radke | Mar 27, 2019

I received a phone call from a college student yesterday. He was a freshman studying animal science and had been assigned the task of interviewing beef industry leaders to learn about their careers and to gain advice and insights for their own futures in agriculture.

I took the call while driving to a FFA fundraiser where I was speaking, and he asked me a wide variety of questions. What would you do differently in your college years? What advice would you give to a college student wanting to be involved in the industry? Who do you look up to in agriculture? What motivates you in your career? Why is it so difficult to bridge the gap between consumers and producers?

Honestly, the conversation spurred many ideas for future blog posts.

However, one question in particular got me thinking during my road trip. He asked me, “What challenges do you face on your family ranch?”
Admittedly, I had a hard time answering at first. Our problems seem so “common,” and I wasn’t sure which one to pinpoint as a challenge worth noting. Do we communicate well? Is our transition plan solid? Does our multi-generational business operate as smoothly as it could? Is there room for improvement?

I decided to go the route of transition planning. Depending on the day, my dad will say he’s retiring in one year or 15 years. To me, that uncertainty is one of the biggest challenges my husband and I will face in the upcoming years.

We certainly don’t want to “push” him out before he’s ready. On the contrary, I could use a little more time to get my own affairs in order, so I feel confident and financially secure to purchase assets as he transitions into retirement.

It’s just the unknowing. How soon will we need to be ready? What will a purchase agreement look like? How much can we take on?

In thinking about those variables, I noticed I was placing the burden squarely on my folks to figure everything out. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t necessarily expressed these concerns or vocalized how much or how little we were willing to take on, should my parents decide they are ready to retire.

So I made a goal for myself — to schedule a meeting for all of us this summer. The discussion of this family business meeting wouldn’t necessarily be on the “when,” but on the “hows,” so when the time comes to transition the operation into new leaders — whether that’s six months or six years from now — we’ll know what the plan is and how it will be executed.

I’m sure it will take more than one discussion, but we’ve got to start somewhere, and it needs to start with me. By being transparent in my own goals and plans and by being willing to communicate and walk through all scenarios and potential pitfalls, I hope it will be a seamless transition that leaves the business intact and the family harmonious.

I recently read an article that addresses what it takes to be an effective leader in the family business. Written by Steve Moyer for SKM Associates, the article recaps management guru Peter Drucker’s list of traits that make for a great executive in the business. Although it was written from the perspective of what it takes to be a good executor of an estate, I think it applies whether you’re a Millennial or Boomer producer working with another generation in a family business.

Drucker’s list includes:

1. Ask what needs to be done.

He says, “Get the knowledge you need by asking what needs to be done, and take the answers seriously. Failing to ask this question will render the leader ineffective. Once you know the to-do list, set priorities and stick to them.”

2. Ask what’s right for the enterprise.

“Don’t focus on what’s right for individuals (i.e. owners, family members, employees or customers.),” writes Drucker. “What is right for the enterprise may not be right for individual stakeholders or family members.”

3. Develop action plans.

“Set a plan that specifies results and constraints compatible with family and organizational goals,” he advises. “Create check-in milestones and revise your plan as necessary to reflect new opportunities or insight.”

4. Take responsibility for actions.

“Ensure each decision specifies the person accountable and the appropriate deadline,” says Drucker. “Define whom it affects and whom to keep updated and informed.”

5. Take responsibility for communicating.

6. Embrace change.

7. Run productive meetings.

8. Say “we” not “I”

Read Drucker’s tips in full by clicking here.

I would love to hear what has worked for your family in effectively running business meetings, guiding conversations and making meaningful and lasting decisions for the operation and the family. Please email me your advice to amanda.radke@informa.com. Thanks!

Become the CEO of Your Own Brain

Melanie Greenberg Ph.D. The Mindful Self-Express

How to be the boss of your brain, rather than letting it master you

Posted Apr 02, 2013

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind.

Buddha

You may have tried to control your thoughts at one time or another. With the aid of self-help books, perhaps you really tried to “Be Positive” and “Show Negativity the Door.”  And this may have even worked for a while. But sooner or later, you probably found yourself back at the starting point. I’m here to tell you that there is another way. And that is to become the CEO of your own mind – skillfully directing it to live in harmony with the other players of self – body and spirit.

If you follow the six steps below, you will be the master of  YOU in no time.

STEP 1:  LISTEN AND ACKNOWLEDGE

Like all good leaders, you’re going to have to listen to your disgruntled employee, and acknowledge that you’re taking its message seriously. Minds, like people, can relax and let go when they feel heard and understood.  Practice gratitude and thank your mind for its contribution. “Thank you, mind, for reminding me that if I don’t succeed in making more sales, I might get fired.” “Thank you for telling me that I may always be alone and never find love and have a family.”  “These are important areas of life, and I need to pay attention to them, and do my best to take advantage of every opportunity that comes up. I also need to learn from past experiences so I don’t keep making the same mistakes.”

STEP 2: MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR MIND

You may not like what your mind does or the way it conducts itself. In fact, all that negativity can be downright irritating sometimes. But the fact is, you’re stuck with it and you can’t  (or wouldn’t want to) just lobotomize it away. In the Book, The Happiness Trap, Dr Russ Harris uses the example of the Israelis and the Palestinians to illustrate your relationship with your mind’s negative thoughts. These two old enemies may not like each other’s way of life, but they’re stuck with each other. If they wage war on each other, the other side retaliates, and more people get hurt and buildings destroyed. Now they have a whole lot less energy to focus on building the health and happiness of their societies. Just as living in peace would allow these nations to build healthier and more prosperous societies, so making peace with your mind – accepting that negative thoughts and feelings will be there  -that you can’t control them, can allow you to focus on your actions in the present moment, so you can move ahead with your most important goalswithout getting all fouled up. You don’t necessarily have to like the thoughts or agree with them  – you just have to let them be there in the background of your mind, while you go out and get things done.

 STEP 3: REALIZE YOUR THOUGHTS ARE JUST THOUGHTS

Most of the time we don’t “see” our minds. They just feel like part of us!  Dr Steve Hayes, the founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, uses the concept of being “Fused with your thoughts” to illustrate this relationship. To be fused means to be stuck together, undifferentiated. You feel like your thoughts and feelings are YOU and so you accept them unconditionally as the truth without really looking at them. “I’m thinking I’m a failure and boring – gee, I must be a failure and boring. Well. Isn’t that nice? Now I feel really wonderful.”  This kind of simplistic logic seems to prevail because we can’t see our own minds, so we have difficulty stepping outside ourselves and getting an objective observer’s perspective.

In actuality, our thoughts are passing, mental events, influenced by our moods, states of hunger or tiredness, physical health, hormonessex, the weather, what we watched on TV last night, what we ate for dinner, what we learned as kids, and so on. They are like mental habits. And, like any habits, they can be healthy or unhealthy, but they take time to change. Just like a couch potato can’t get up and run a marathon right away, we can’t magically turn off our spinning negative thought/feeling cycles without repeated practice and considerable effort. And even then, our overactive amygdalas will still send us the negative stuff sometimes.

STEP 4: OBSERVE YOUR OWN MIND

The saying “Know thine enemy.” is also  applicable to our relationship with our own minds. Just like a good leader spends his time walking through the offices, getting to know the employees, so we need to devote time to getting to know how our minds work day to day.  Call it mindfulnessmeditation, or quiet time. Time spent observing your mind is as important as time spent exercising. When you try to focus your mind on the in and out rhythm of your breath, or on the trees and flowers when you walk in nature, what does your mind do? If it’s like mine, it wanders all over the place – mostly bringing up old worries or unsolved problems from the day. And, if left unchecked, it can take you out of the peacefulness of the present moment, and into a spiral of worry, fear, and judgment.

Mindfulness involves not only noticing where your mind goes when it wanders, but also gently bringing it back to the focus on breath, eating, walking, loving, or working. When you do this repeatedly over months or years, you begin to retrain your runaway amygdala. Like a good CEO, you begin to know when your mind is checked out or spinning its wheels, and you can gently guide it to get back with the program. When it tries to take off on its own, you can gently remind it that’s it’s an interdependent and essential part of the whole enterprise of YOU.

STEP 5: RETRAIN YOUR MIND TO REWIRE YOUR BRAIN

There is an old and rather wise saying, “We are what we repeatedly do.”  To this, I would add “We become what we repeatedly think.”  Over long periods, our patterns of thinking become etched into the billions of neurons in our brains, connecting them together in unique, entrenched patterns. When certain brain pathways – connections between different components or ideas – are frequently repeated, the neurons begin to “fire” or transmit information together in a rapid, interconnected sequence. Once the first thought starts, the whole sequence gets activated.

Autopilot is great for driving a car, but no so great for emotional functioning. For example, you may have deep-seated fears of getting close to people because you were mistreated as a child. To learn to love, you need to become aware of the whole negative sequence and how it’s biasing your perceptions, label these reactions as belonging to the past, and refocus your mind on present-moment experience. Over time, you can begin to change the wiring of your brain so your prefrontal cortex (the executive center, responsible for setting goals, planning and executing them), is more able to influence and shut off your rapidly firing, fear-based amygdala (emotion control center). And, this is exactly what brain imaging studies on effects of mindfulness therapy have shown.

STEP 6:  PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION

The pioneer of Self-Compassion research, Dr Kristin Neff, described this concept as “A healthier way of relating to yourself.”  And that’s exactly what it is. While we can’t easily change the gut-level feelings and reactions that our minds and bodies produce, we can change how we respond to these feelings. Most of us were taught that vulnerabile feelings, are signs of weakness – to be hidden from others at all costs. Or “Let Sleeping Dogs Lie.”  These bits of common-sense philosophy were dead wrong! Authors,such as Dr. Brene Brown, provide us with a convincing, research-based argument that expressing your vulnerability can be a source of strength and confidence, if properly managed.

When we judge our feelings –we lose touch with the benefits of those feelings. They are valuable sources of information about our reactions to events in our lives, and they can tell us what is most meaningful and important to us. Emotions are signals telling us to reach out to for comfort or to take time out to rest and replenish ourselves. Rather than criticizing ourselves, we can learn new ways of supporting ourselves in our suffering. We may deliberately seek out inner and outer experiences that bring us joy or comfort – memories of happy times with people we love, the beauty of nature, creative self-expression. Connecting with these resources can help us navigate the difficult feelings while staying grounded in the present.

SUMMARY

To be a successful  CEO of your own mind, you need to listen, get to know your employee, acknowledge its contribution, realize it’s nature, make peace with it, implement a retraining or employee development program, and treat it kindly. It will repay you with a lifetime of loyaly and service to the values and goals that you most cherish.

Manage Your Thoughts

To successfully compete in this 21st-century global marketplace your skillset must be fresh, valuable, relevant and compelling.

Beyond every great coach and leader, a brilliant mentor can be discovered. As we unleash our vast potential and explore the outer depths of who we are on our self-discovery journey, mastering the art of relationship building is essential. Relationships are partnerships. They must be authentic and sustainable. The goal of partnerships is to create value and win-win situations. Instead of entering relationships and situations with the mindset of receiving. Shift your focus on what you can deliver and give. Make it easy for people to know you, help you, believe you and value you.

We all need a portfolio of conversation partners. Your network is your net worth. The people you surround yourself with most have a significant influence on your behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, and performance. How these relationships impact the thoughts you think, the actions you take, the words you express and how you envision yourself in this world set the course for your life today and your future tomorrow.

At eighty-one years of age, I no longer believe in waiting for the right moment. I believe in living immediately while using the resources available to find a way. Let each day be a step forward in cultivating your dreams. Courage is the only virtue you cannot fake. The more burning the fear, the greater the grit must be. You can win a lot in life just by being the last one to give up. Sometimes the difference between winning and losing is the ability to summon up extra reserves of energy and strength you did not know you possessed.

Repetition and obstacles are vital to our personal growth journey’s towards mastering ourselves. I have come to realize, one of the most overlooked personal growth objectives is how we incorporate learning and knowledge acquisition into our everyday lives. Learning transpires when you acknowledge what you do not know. To successfully compete in this 21st-century global marketplace your skillset must be fresh, valuable, relevant and compelling. Remember you are always a work in progress. It is about disrupting your own operations and habits while auditing your life to find ways to improve and get 1% better every day. You must be your own disrupter and coach.

As life changes, so must your mind. If you do not manage your thoughts and allow repeated falsehoods to take hold, they become truths. Intellectual capital and living in a state of peace emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually will always trump financial assets and gain. Wealth, luxury and fame cannot protect a person from despair, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and pain. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge. What we suppress, we empower!